Ack! I hate getting behind in posts! I hate denying the five or so people who actually read this thing their five minutes of entertainment it may bring them. Baring that in mind, I will not commence with the usual excuses: my dog ate it (doesn't really work for this one), my alarm didn't go off (nope), I've just been so freaking busy that I simply don't have a life anymore and I'm seriously considering walking down to the nearest Dunkin' Doughnuts and drowning my sorrows in a vat of Boston Creme (yep, that sounds like the winner). Recently, my life has not been my own. I've focused in on work, my house, work, cleaning my house, work, sleeping...did I mention work? It seems like every time I find a free moment to call someone to do something fun, everyone it either: a) already doing something else or b) can't get in touch with them. Still, that's no one's fault but mine.
 Do you? Do you really?!
Anyway, to lighten the monotony of daily work, I checked my email today. Kudos to Frank for keeping me entertained with a fun Google game. His email read as the following:
Google "[your name] needs" and look at the first thing.
Mine was "Frank needs a date." Hm.
Kim's was "Kim needs to take the gloves off." uh oh.
Now, not having a Monopoly board available, no deck of cards or any semblance of something I could make into a rudimentary dice, computer-aided searching of the Internet needed to suffice for entertainment. And what quality entertainment it was. Here are my top 10 results for what I need according to Google. C'mon, big money, big money, no whammies....STOP!
7. "Andrew needs to touch that bar..." I'm not quite sure what this is in reference to. What bar do I need to touch?! Figuratively it could mean that I have a goal that I need to meet (which is true) or something that I need to strive for. Literally...I don't really want to go around touching anyone's bars...eww.
6. "Andrew needs a ride back TO Kelowna..." Where the fuck is Kelowna and why do I need a ride there? According to the good folks at Wikipedia it's a city in B.C. Canada...no thanks.
5. "Andrew needs his fix..." Sure, who doesn't! Seriously, I could go for a good six pack of Coca-cola and a marathon of House and Scrubs episodes lying flat on my back in front of a ginormous television. I don't think that it's a drug fix they're taking about though...I can't do those kinds of drugs. I don't know how to cook.
4. "Andrew needs a job, 275k per year and a car" No shit! Again, who doesn't.
3. "Andrew needs all the prayers he can get..." Ok, when an inanimate computer program which runs on mathematical algorithms equates you as being in trouble spiritually, you know you're fucked. Seriously, it one of the highest search results for my name states that I need all the prayers I can get...I'm gettin' my ass to church.
2. "Andrew needs sleep, badly" Understatement of the year. As any good graduate student, I am essentially slave labor. I was once referred to as a Sherpa by a faculty member...you do the math.
1. "Andrew needs to take the pants off b/c he has a very nice asssss" WTF Google?! First you condemn me to hell but then you say I have a nice ass in the process?! Holy contradiction, Batman. You know what, fuck you! I'm not playing anymore! |
