I once had an argument with my friend John about popstars. He and I many years ago thought that the two reigning female pop sensations were quite possibly the hottest things on Earth: Brittany Spears and Christina Aguilera. I was in the minority and was a Christina fan, while John preferred Brittany. We never liked the music or anything, but simply liked the way that they looked. Seriously, music videos with the mute button on were the greatest back when you were a teenager. Still though, time passed and we eventually grew out of it. Looking back now, I think I my choice was the better of the two. I mean, seriously. Multiple Grammy awards wins hands down over multiple marriages, multiple children, and multiple cesarean scars. Andrew 1, John 0.
  We don't care if you are our long lost daughter, you have to put your underwear back on and leave K-Fed outside. I didn't actually know about all the newest Britney drama today until I was having lunch with another one of my friends who happened to mention it in passing conversation. Wow, what a surprise. What was once the fantasy of many pubescent teenage boys (John included) now looks like an extra from the Coneheads Saturday night live skit. But kudos to Britney Spears. Folks said it couldn't be done, but she has managed to become even more white trash than K-Fed. The interesting thing is not the fact that she went all psycho which the razor and cut off all of her hair, or the fact that little Sean Preston has a good chance of ending up with his dad for the rest of his life (can we say Child Support Check *ka-ching!*), but the media circus which has ensued since the eventful shearing of her blond-black-golden-brown-red-orange-whatever color they were this last week- locks. It's a sad sad day when yet another teen sensation has a breakdown, freaks out, does something silly, and then checks herself into rehab. Seriously, new pop stars take heed and get an "insanity" clause plastered into your contract providing you with extra money and support when you eventually have to check yourself into Betty Ford.  A million dollars for a used lighter, hair and a half-drank can of Red Bull?! Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot.
Some further research yielded even more wonderful gems. Apparently, Craig Furgeson has decided that he will not make fun of Britney because she is "too vulnerable" right now. Too vulnerable? Vulnerability does not equal insanity. I bet in the next few months Britney will be on Oprah's ugly yellow couch jumping up and down, and then she and Tom Cruise will settle down to share a nice padded room. But perhaps the most hilarious part of it all is that the place where Britney shorn off her hair is having an auction for it. For one million dollars you can be the proud owner of Brittany's hair extensions, her cigarette lighter, the clippers, and her can of Red Bull which she was drinking while she went all Indigo Girls and Birkenstocks on her hair. According to the website BuyBritney'sHair.com, the winner of the auction can choose to "remain anonymous, or use the purchase for publicity purposes. Yikes, nothing but good wholesome morals going on there! Britney's manager later announced that she was voluntarily checking herself into a rehab facility. Honestly, was it really a surprise? Didn't we all see this coming eventually? It was only a matter of time... |
