People are funny in that numerous things can be done to them. Think of the experiments that you would see in a third grade science fair: anything that can be done there, can be done to people in general. Well, maybe not legally, but they can be done. I'm not one for pinning someone down to a piece of plywood or dissecting off arms and legs, but I do like to collect. That's right, I collect people. I need as many different types of people as I can get my greedy little address book on. Seriously, you never know when an O.C.D. O.B.G.Y.N. may come in handy (fun with abbreviations...yay!).
 These are the people I generally keep off my list
During my time on earth I have gotten to know some amazing people. Amazing is an interesting word choice simply because you can be amazed both in both good and bad ways. You can be amazed at how generous a person can be, how caring, how complacent, how annoying, and finally how so f*ck*ing r*t*rd*d someone can be (would you like to buy a vowel...more play with letters) that you have to just get up and push them off a cliff for fear of your sanity. I'm one of the lucky ones in the sense that I know more of the former than the latter. Still though, not to brag, I know some pretty amazing people. Let us recap:
1. The Over-achiever. I know many of these, and many of my friends could easily fall into the category. Still though there is one which takes the A+ cake. Harvard Medical School, triple Major, etc. Little Miss 4.6 gpa had the potential to be one of the most annoying people in the world. The fact of the matter is, she isn't. She's one of the nicest people you will ever come across: totally grounded, head on straight...not one of those people hooked on protein shakes and pocket protectors, comparing notes on advanced differential equations and last week's episode of NUMB3RS. She's going to be a doctor, my other friends are computer engineers...and I like to color.
 Peter and I have something in common... 2. The Finance Specialist. When it comes to money, my favorite color is red. Therefore, I can't say anything bad about those who work with it because I don't understand it in the first place. IRAs, financing, you name it. About the only thing I'm good for with regard to money is either a) spending it, or b) putting it in the savings account and collecting the penny of interest I get after having it in there for 10 years. As such, I can't knock a guy for (as he put it) "using money to make money". Glad he's on my side.  My piggy bank is HUNGRY!
3. The Lawyer. Lawyers scare me. Seriously, they freak me out. There is nothing more frightening to me than the thought of someone waiting for me to come home at night just so they can hand me a piece of paper and sue me. You always need a good lawyer nearby, so I'm glad to add her to my collection. When I'm old and senile, she can fight off all the parking tickets and lawsuits that I get from forgetting to take my medication and chase the elephants down the road. Always have one friends who's a lawyer...and one who's a Jew, that's the golden rule.  4. The Vet Tech. As far as animals go, she is the authority. She restrains canines three times her size, gives injections to angry cats, can administer anesthesia...all before lunch. In other words...she keeps the bitches in line.
 Good advice 5. The writer-warehouse worker-yoga instructor-possible masseuse. A true renaissance man of alternative medicine/high powered water dispensing mechanical part persuasion. Seriously, he is the jack of all trades in my collection. I once believed that he would end up being a teacher, but since has moved away in a different direction (although I still think that things would get pretty interesting if he were to teach high school English). Still though, I think that he's very well suited to changing the world through chanting "Om" and dealing with people who are so double jointed they make Olympic gymnasts look like amateurs. That I know is something I couldn't do. I get angry when the person's order in front of me at the Starbucks is longer than 10 syllables. Those yoga types...yikes. Uh, I'd like a non-fat double whipped cafe americano iced mocha with an extra shot of espresso, two shots wheat grass, and a clump of sod on the side...  This is what happens when Vets date martial arts/yoga types...
6. The pharmacist. Perhaps one of the most important friends a guy can have. They can dispense two of the most important things in the world: drugs, and possibly a loan.  Losers.
And of course there are are that are currently in my collection, but these are the ones that come to mind just as of now. Moral of the story, the more people you have, the better off you are. |
Purple pills!! :)