I've decided that Ally McBeal was an interesting role model for women. Beneath the 20 lb exterior and gallon of makeup which she somehow managed to fit on her abnormally large (for her frame) head every episode was a woman with some very interesting notions about life, love, and the much needed pursuit of a double cheeseburger. I've known many "Allys" in my life. The interesting thing was that each of them was unique. No clones here; each had their own unique outlook on how employment, work, life, politics, and that greasy guy on the corner who keeps staring and liking his lips every time a woman reaches into her purse to answer her cell phone should be. One Ally I know refuses to leave the house without putting on the entire Clinique skin care line, while another has decided that she will join the "Daughters of Eve", a group of women who wish to "expose and depose" president Bush through an intense regiment of "protest panty flashing"...I've included a link here since I know you're all interested. Another Ally has decided that she needs to diet and thus orders either orange-only foods (i.e. carrots and Cheetos) or a crouton and a glass of water for most major meals. Gotta keep up on that signature physique...exposed ribs are in!! Is there a male equivalent to Ally McBeal somewhere? I need a role model dammit.
 Leave it to The Onion to tell it like it is...
For all of Ally's flaws on camera flaws (dating of inappropriate men, poor acting, and general aversion to anything containing more than 10 total calories), she and her fellow cast mates did have some interesting ideas. I was never a huge fan of the show back when it was on the air, but between my mother and my sister, I saw my fair share of episodes. There was the idea of so called "waddle" as a turn-on (waddle is the loose skin found on an older woman's neck), the idea of spanking, and of course the big lesbian kiss scene between Lucy Liu, Calista Flockheart and Portia di Rossi. If a television show gives us all this and still had the capacity to entertain and promote vulnerability and self-pity, it couldn't have been all bad. Perhaps what was most ingrained in my mind is that Ally's therapist made her choose a theme song for herself on a weekly basis. A theme song just for me...how cool would that be?! Your theme song could play when you walk in the door to work, get home for dinner, and even during sex! Of course the entire time your partner may be searching for the mute button. More depressingly, that may not necessarily be for the theme song... I've spent some time while sitting here at work trying to think of what my theme song would be, but I seem to be drawing a blank. For some reason that "you're gonna make it after all" Mary Tyler Moore thing is stuck in my head, but I don't know if I can pull that one off. It takes a lot of strength to "walk like you mean it" through a park and then finally spasmodically throw your beret in the air, startling those around you and scaring small children. I think something more tame would be in order for me. I began "shopping" through the theme songs of current television shows, but for some reason couldn't find anything I like either. Trying to get inspiration from current television shows is like comparing Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff...everything is exactly the same. Well, ok, so Hillary hasn't gone to rehab yet, but it's only a matter of time. Everything these days is all synthesizers and random animal noises. Gone are the days of do-wop background vocals and catchy theme songs that actually required a good fifteen minutes worth of thought.
 Mary, stop scaring the children!
Therefore I have decided that I will postpone my search for a theme song. I'm going to delay selecting something until either I am forced into therapy and have to select something, or something of substance presents itself. I will keep you informed. |
It's not exactly a theme song, but I've had "POP goes my heart" from that new Hugh Grant movie stuck in my head for a good week now...