After recently coming back from a trip through Utah, I sometimes wish that I could just sit down and rationally talk to a Mormon missionary for a few moments. Those that know me might find this slightly strange, but I want some answers. Is it true that there was once a more than wife thing? How many wives exactly did you get? What if one of them is actually a lesbian and she wants more than one wife as well? Do those wives become part of my wives by proxy? Simple questions. He, being the traditional stand up Mormon that he would be must get those kind of questions all the time. Although I would probably disappoint him because I wouldn't want to convert or anything, my questions may somehow at least cause him to smile. I'm not in the market for a new religion. Hell, I hardly honor my current one.  Greetings from Utah: Our Jesus is better than your Jesus!
The Mormon Church is perhaps the most commercial religion I know. This is an interesting statement to ponder considering things seem to get a bit crazy around Christmas time with the lights, nativity scenes, and the giant inflatable Jesus which you can buy at the local K-mart for the front lawn. I sometimes wonder if Christ knew that he allegedly was dying not only for our sins but also for gaudy decorations and 50-75% off sales at the T.J. Maxx. Our savior has died, now you can feel free to take the shit we couldn't sell before the holiday for a fraction of the price! Still, even through all the commercialization of Christmas, the LDSers seem to have the monopoly on commercialized religion. Being an American an all, I feel it fully necessary to celebrate all things overly commercialized and thus will now give credit where credit is due. Here are two such examples of the commercialization.
1. The State of Utah. Let's face it. It's common knowledge that the Utah is a "holy owned subsidiary of the LDS church". Close to 70% of the population is of the Mormon faith. If in doubt, you can even get a bumper sticker or a pin or something which says something that effect here. Still though, it is true. The three times that I have been to Utah (soon to be four in the upcoming week), the Mormon population has been out in full force. I'm not exactly sure how the great migration into Utah from Ohio, Mars or wherever they were originally from went, but for now, Utah is where the colonization has occurred. I've never actually lived in Utah, but I can imagine that it would be quite interesting to do so. For a complete expose on "Life behind the Zion curtain", an amusing blog can be found here. I've heard some strange rumors about rules pertaining to the ingestion of alcoholic beverages and gambling, but I'll have to brush up on them before traveling again. However, it was interesting to see the sign in Page, Arizona mentioning that it was the last stop to buy alcohol before entering "Utah territory".
Perhaps this beer's consumption should be controlled... 2. MormMart. At least that is what I have dubbed it. Is your Sunday best tired from countless hours praying, converting, or voting republican? If so, simply log on and head over to the good folks at 1on1.net and you can save 10% or more on most of the items in their store. This includes the highly fashionable temple dresses, temple ties, missionary gifts, and even shirts with the Tide logo rearranged to say "Repent: Tough on Sins". I'm sure somewhere an executive in the Tide Corporation is thinking "I've created a monster". My question is this: what's wrong with regular shirts? regular dresses? Regular Tide? Are these garments and laundry detergent somehow more blessed than the average name brand merchandise? I guess that there is much I still have left to learn. Maybe someday it will all make sense. |
